We're so pleased to welcome Storyteller Asmita Hulyalkar back to the T+T blog this month, sharing her reflections on the theme Comfort.
During a particularly challenging phase, Asmita rediscovered the comfort that comes from carving out creative space - returning to her familiar sewing routine and using her hands to craft two 'perfectly imperfect' tops. It's a beautiful reminder for all of us to prioritise those small acts of creation that reconnect us with ourselves, even when life feels overwhelming.
Back in March, when the “call” had been put out for writing a longer piece for the Twig and Tale blog, I had signed up enthusiastically for the month of September for which the theme is “comfort,” thinking that come September I would be sewing pieces for me for the upcoming cooler weather. I could see myself dreaming up something along the lines of comfort-able and cozy envisioning cooler mornings when I would be sitting with my sewing plans at my machine making something that I had long wanted to.
How different things feel when the month I was eagerly waiting for finally arrived and I found my life thrown into disarray with hardly a moment to sew.
The last few months have brought about substantial changes in family life. Not all changes have been bad, but the past month has been particularly difficult. A death in the family (not someone I am close to, but other family members are) meant a definite reorganization of our family life and our daily rhythms. Amidst trying to provide support to the bereaved family, I tried desperately to hold on to my own rhythms and daily practices. The more I grasped for the normal, the more I failed. Needless to say, soon the whole thing felt like a giant overwhelm. It felt impossible to finish all the daily chores; sewing was put aside or picked up hurriedly only to mend something absolutely necessary. We all know that the road from feeling overwhelmed to resentment is a short one.
I am lucky in the friends that I have though. A gentle but an insistent nudge reminded me to go back to myself in the smallest ways that I could manage. Let the bed remain undone (how does it matter for a day or two) but nourish yourself before you help others, I was told. Sewing, a daily practice for me, has always been a part of this nourishment. I decided to go back to making the top that I had been dreaming for ages—the Driftwood blouse. This particular pattern has charmed me for quite a few years now (my friend Nancy of @iusedtobecurtain plays no small role in that). To me, it feels the right amount of floaty, dare I say flighty, and yet in so many ways it is a top for everyday wear when one can just push the sleeves back and tackle a sink full of dishes.
Perhaps it was my state of mind when one’s contours blur. The result was that I measured incorrectly. I chose a size F for myself; this is somewhat out of my usual range and yet I did not bat an eyelid thinking it might be a tad too large. It was! Still, I was lucky for I had chosen something quite forgiving in sizing. The top as you see “fitted” me, even though it was terrifically loose, especially at the back neck. That’s not necessarily a bad thing I told myself—roomy around my neck is great especially at the time of those ever-occurring hot flashes! The fabric, a lovely sanganeri block print is wonderful and felt right for my state of mind.
Done with this, and somewhat encouraged by my return to everyday practice of sewing, I decided to make another top – this time a familiar pattern, the Scenic blouse, of which I have already made two in my cupboard. I referred to my notes, went over the details of my past makes and then made a top that… turned out to be small for me!
How interesting… one too large and the other a little bit small! At the very least, this called for a pause. From feeling entirely frozen and not being able to sew I had jumped into familiar territory (sewing everyday) but not considered my existing state of mind. Perhaps my incorrect sizing pointed in the direction of how I saw my everyday world at this moment—either tremendously narrowed in scope (because so many things were put on a halt), or deliciously expanded in range (I could really cut down on the cooking and we could eat the same thing for days, or I never needed to make my bed!).
But everything has its place, and this swing between the too large to too small provided me with an invaluable lesson. It alerted me to the fact that I could go back to my daily practice of sewing but not forget that my reality looks a little different right now than what it usually is.
Sewing can give comfort, but not if I do it in excess or not at all. It reflects the state of mind in the best of ways, and I am grateful for it. After all, neither of the tops are a lost cause – I “repaired” the Scenic top by undoing the seam allowances and settling for the minimum that I could get away with. It’s not a top that I can do calisthenics in, but it does give me breathing room. Luckily, the fabric I chose for this, the beautiful Nani Iro double gauze, will “grow” with wear. Similarly, I took in an inch and half at the CB for the Driftwood. This brought in the neckline a bit closer so that it no longer looks like the top is falling off me at the shoulders.
Neither alteration is perfect, but I realise that I am alright with what it is. The fit reflects my state of mind, it reminds me of the mistakes I made, and my ability to correct them to the best of my ability at this point. The comfort is in the fact that I had the use of my two hands and my able brain and that I could create the time to make these two imperfectly perfect tops—forever a reminder of this period of my life. In other words, the comfort is in simply having the ability to do something, and if I am able to leave the judgement aside, with words that are so keen to fix the good and the bad (or a success and a failure), I can derive joy, and yes, even receive comfort simply from the doing.
